Oh, so much swirling through my head right now.
First off, I now know that I cannot import pictures to this computer from my camera. Not a big deal, but it does kind of put a kink in my plans to get some posts worked out. And, I'm wondering if I need to just set aside a bit of time every evening for crafting posts. (There has recently been a person in my life who repeatedly took issue with my use of "crafting" to refer to writing a piece, and thinking about that makes me grin.)
I also know that I need to create myself either a Vimeo or a YouTube account so I can finally publish a post I wrote a bit over a week ago, now. I want to include my own video, but I need to import it from one of those sites, or I need to become super savvy tech-wise and figure out how to bypass that piece; I think I'll go for the former.
So, instead of doing other bloggy stuff, I took the time to send off electronic mail to several friends I needed to get back in touch with (good for the soul and all).
I've been philosophizing a lot lately. Mainly, I'm wondering about the whole problem of attachment and control. Maybe that's two problems. I don't know. Anyhow, I tend to build castles in the air and then fret when they vanish before I move in.
I'm working on not becoming too attached to the plans I make, lest my very existence seems too dependent on those ideas becoming reality. I know about the dangers of being too attached. But, hey, man, I'm not all go with the flow and just be, no matter how much I try to be.
When something just doesn't seem to be happening the way I want it to, I wonder if life is asking me to work harder (or smarter) toward my goals or if life is telling me that I should be heading down another path. Thoughts? Maybe both, but then how do I know which course of action to follow? (Oh, Life, why don't you have any clear cut answers? Seriously!)
I know to my very core that I have been living much of my life in doubt and fear. I absolutely cannot stand that, and yet, I'm not yet sure what to do about it. I'm thinking that I'm comfortable in my discomfort and that's just silly.
Please offer suggestions on working through this. Any suggestions you have will be welcomed.
Yesterday, I was talking to a friend who was telling my how much she believed in me and my abilities, but that she notices how I allow fear to rule me, and I was practically crying. It's so darned true and it petrifies me.
I'm wondering how to start small in working on this. How do I put myself out there, live a little bravely, teach myself that (most) failure really isn't going to kill me, and create and strengthen a conviction that I don't deserve to live in constant fear and doubt?
Relatedly*, Pic was watching PBS Kids this morning and I heard one character telling another that the first never ventured anything for fear of failure. Hey, that's me! And, it feels immature, but it's where I live.
Also, for the last million years, I have been receiving these "Daily Lit" e-mails. After the first few months, I stopped opening the e-mails (and, obviously, I haven't unsubscribed from the list). Well, today, I actually opened the e-mail and here is today's quotation:
Our bravest lessons are not learned through success, but misadventure. --ALCOTT
What is that, Universe? Are you sending me signals? Or, rather, am I just tuned into what I need to hear right now?
I think it's time to reinstate my vision board and fill it with affirmations, now matter how new-agey-geek that sounds.
I am considering the possibilities of a degree in Alternative Education. I don't know much about it right now, but I came across mention of a person who had such a degree in an article in a local newspaper in Oregon. (Yep, I'm somewhat addicted to school.)
In other stuff on my mind right now: I'm thinking about doing the Whole Food Kitchen Online Workshop this time around. I have considered each of Heather’s workshops, but I have never actually signed up for one. This one is much more suited to my current tastes than the vegan workshop (I think that’s the other workshop she’s offered).
What I’m wondering is: is anyone else interested in this? If I’m going to sign up for it, I might as well invite a friend, because it will make no difference in the price I pay and it looks pretty awesome to me. I’d have to know by September 3rd, preferably the 2nd, just in case. Sorry for the short notice.
[Updated: See you in the workshop, Ms B!]
I've also been wondering these past many years: who's up for just taking over a street with me. I have a beautiful neighborhood in mind. My vision: all my favorite people living in a very close proximity, but, y'know, in our own houses (because, well, we don't always don pants at La Casa B and probably no one else wants to see that). I miss way too many people who live way too far away.
Overheard, just now: "Let me just finish flirting with this girl who's hitting on me on Tumblr. You know what, she can wait; it's the Internet and she doesn't even live here."
* Hmm, spell check does not like “relatedly.”